Shampoo and Conditioner

Both bottles are empty.  I have some travel bottles I've saved from various visits to the Hotel Emporio (their stuff smells SO GOOD), so I won't have to buy big new bottles as I'm getting ready to go home, but it does make me all more aware of how close the end is.  I just can't believe it.

I started becoming aware of my departure about two months ago.  Right after spring break and having traveled with my Mexican friends, with Ashley and having visited KY for a brief stint.  I knew my time was precious.  I also knew I had less time left than I had had from the time I arrives through Christmas.

It's been an amazing year.  When I think about receiving my congratulations letter, I remember the strange feeling I felt.  I was so excited.  And then disappointed.  I wasn't going to Peru.  I had been telling people for months that I hoped to be in Peru the next school year.  Mexico.  Mexico's so close.  Mexico's so.... Mexico.

I remember seeing Culiacán and having never heard of it.  I googled it, like anyone would.  I got a cute little cartoon map.  Thank goodness I didn't probe any more than that; if I had seen all the drama that was going on back last May, I'm not sure I would've gone through with it.  Well, I would've wanted to, but I doubt Mom would've let me.  

I could not have landed in a better place with a better group of mentors, friends, and experiences.  The Fulbright name carries a bit of weight, which I find funny since it seemed to easy to obtain.  That said, I came into this expecting a professional experience.  I expected great growth and an exchange of ideas.  I hardly got that.  I did get a new mindset on public school.  

More importantly, I got the experience of a lifetime.  I have some friends that I will never forget (and that I will likely visit annually- or more often if I can afford it).  I have found out a ton about myself.  I have taken risks and absolutely seized every possible moment.  It's helped me realize how I want to live my "normal" life back home.  The way I lived it before, but to a smaller degree.  I want to jump out of a plane, metaphorically speaking, since I've already done that!  I want to live every day as if it's an adventure.  As if I must make it count.

And watch me.  I will.

I've spent the last month or so being really really sad about coming back.  I don't want to live in Mexico.  I couldn't live in Culiacán forever due to the heat alone.  Also due to the fact that I haven't found a church.  The pay is not good here (there are zero benefits for English teachers), and the role of the woman (like lots of other things I've experienced in the schools) seems to be about 30 years behind.  I might be a bit too independent for this country!  That said, I've spent the last month trying to stop the clock.  Trying to keep the page from changing on the calendar.  Trying to keep the adventure going.  However, in the last week or so, I've started thinking in the future again.  Where I'll go when I get back.  Things I need to buy (cell phone, makeup, etc) to get my life back together.  Who all I need to see and what I want to do in my classroom (wherever that may be!).  I've started making my list of all the things I'll want to eat and see and do when I come back to Culiacán to visit (I told you it's all about food).  

I've come to the realization that I'll never be 100% content in Nashville.  Anywhere in the US for that matter.  Part of me will always be a wee bit Mexican.  Part of me will always wish I was here (or planning for a trip here).  Another part of me will be looking to the next trip, the next adventure, the next country.

But there's a very important third part of me that I hope to channel often.  The part that is looking at this moment (whenever "this" is- every present moment) as the adventure.  Taking it in.  Reflecting on it.  Enjoying it.  Being in it and experiencing all it has to give.