Reflection

(*Note: written on Tuesday night)

What an entire eleven months of reflection this has been.

Wanting a house in Crieve Hall with a golden retriever and a garage with a Volvo in it.  Wanting to work my way around various jobs in metro.  Or be the Spanish teacher at Lockeland for thirty years having started the program.

Then wanting to move abroad for two years and learn another language, only to move to another Spanish speaking country and teach there for a few years to pick back up the Spanish I worked so hard to “perfect” while here.

I want to take advantage of every moment like I do here.  I want to say “yes” to things that may not be “me” things (think Monster Truck Showdown) just because you need to witness various things in your life.  I want to say “no” to the things that are not important to me.  I want to learn from every experience, even if it seems mundane.

While I was walking home from yoga tonight (Tuesday, and oddly enough I got there and there was no yoga), I had an epiphany.  This may actually be my biggest reflection of reflections.  Hold that thought.

This afternoon, I had a moment of planning for a Labor Day weekend trip due to a Southwest sale.  It didn’t work out, but it got me in my planner looking.  I have so much planned already and I’m still three weeks from being home.  I literally have plans almost all weekend every weekend from the time I land on the ground until Labor Day weekend.  I have at least one weekend if not two booked per month after that until Christmas.  I got overwhelmed looking at my calendar realizing I’d be home for only one day (with church, lunch, phone shopping and possibly a pedicure, though I don’t think my toenails will allow it just yet- they’re in the microscopic stage at the moment) before I had a doctor’s appointment, two days of professional development, unpacking, moving back in, and laundry to do.  That just gets me to the weekend where I’ll spend time in Glasgow.  Are you tired yet?

My weekends after that include a 5K in East Nashville, dinners with locals, trips to Lexington and Louisville and looking for a way to make it to Jackson.  Not to mention the weekends of yoga training.

I got overwhelmed.  Thankfully it wasn’t in a breakdown kind of way like it was in preparation for leaving the US.  It was more in a “How will I fit back into my life and get everything done” kind of way.

The fact of the matter is:  I already take advantage of every opportunity.  I already seize the day and learn from my experiences.  I already do things that may not seem me until they either become me or I realize why they’re not me.  At the end of the day, I am the person I wish I could be (does that make sense?).  This year away has made me want to be so many different people.  But appropriately at the end of my journey, I realize that I already am that person.  I just happen to have a little more organization and planning.  Instead of waiting for the plans to happen, I know they’re coming months in advance.  I live my adventures with advance knowledge.  I “fly by the seat of my pants” with preparation.  What a fortunate epiphany.  I am who I wish I could be.