missing and being missed

So this is Turner. My pride and joy. Okay, Andy and Amanda's pride and joy, but quite often I try to claim him as my own. Nothing he does can be out done- no smarter, no funnier, no better, no more creative, no cuter, no more well-behaved...basically he's perfect. If you have a niece or nephew (or more likely child/grandchild of your own) you feel me here. Well, almost exactly a year ago, my dear sweet brother and his dear sweet wife decided to move to Arizona. I tried to be supportive, but was really sad. If you know me at all, you remember this stage. Alas, after having visited them out there twice, seeing them over Christmas in Kentucky, and talking on the phone Sprint to Sprint (God love 'em!) any chance we get, I am truly happy they're there. Granted, it was a bit cheaper and logistically easier to visit them in Lexington, but I have been surprised at how glad I am for them...out there. This is a big step, seeing as how I was the President (and member) of the We Don't Want Them to Go Club. Truth be told I wish they lived in Nashville. But I wish most people did, so that is a moot point.

All that to say, I cried and cried all last spring and summer expecting to miss them and be in a depressed funk for the however many years they would be out there. After my first visit, I realized that yes I missed them, but that the world would not stop revolving. Nor would I enter aforementioned funk.

So Tuesday I missed a call from my little man and his message was semi-indiscernible (Bewley- I may need your lexicon skills here-spellcheck said indiscernible...). So when I talked to Amanda later that night, she explained he woke up sad and missing me. He wanted to call me (and he's in a phase now where he does not love the phone). His message was hard to understand because he was...crying. Of course as she tells me this I shed my own tears, wiping away the minor victory that he misses me while feeling the guilt of his being in pain.

In Mexico, I'll be closer (I think) to Arizona, but it will be harder to get there. So I'm guessing my Thanksgiving and Spring Break trips will be less of a reality there. Thankful that I'm at peace with the whole fam living out there, I'm also sad knowing that he won't be able to just dial anytime he dreams of La-La and wakes wondering where I could be. For the record, Amanda put him on the phone and he wanted me to come to his house and he wanted to come to "Nashbille." Good news is both of those will be happening starting next week!

Fast forward to today when I meet Lindsay (my childhood bff, neighbor, bike riding buddy, and go-to for anything) her mom Mrs. Thurman (who will never be Susan in my book per our discussion at lunch) and Shelley for lunch at California Pizza Kitchen in Green Hills. They were stopping through on their way to Carson's (brother and son) wedding this weekend in Little Rock, Arkansas. So we eat and chat and catch up. We haven't seen each other since our annual Christmas Eve eggnog adventure which was super short this year for many reasons. I love this family. They're all so smart and funny and really unique in their own way (which I know is redundant, Honey). For example, Lindsay is going to her residency in Ann Arbor (her first choice), because even though she would've gotten into Harvard easily, after visitng Boston, she couldn't see herself living there. Wow. Shelley on the other hand, moved to Whales (yeah) after college to some really impressive musical place (that's all I can say) and now teaches clarinet, is director of some children's orchestra, and basically is living out her dream. Amazing people. All the while at lunch, making me feel like I'm super-amazing and important. I know- you're all people who like me who are reading this and Mom just said under her breath, "You are special, super amazing, and important, Laura." But you know what I mean.

I wouldn't have seen any of these three ladies between now and Christmas Eve 08 anyway, but knowing I'm going to Mexico made me realize I definitely won't see them. And I probably won't talk to them.

Tonight, I'm going to eat dinner with my friend Kate (her dad is the "Dr. Tom" from an earlier blog) and two other teachers. Kate lives in Jackson, Mississippi, so our visits are getting rare too. This year we even missed each other at holiday times. Tonight will be our goodbye, though I'm not going to acknowledge it. :)

I'm SO EXCITED about going. I really am. But there's a weird accompanying feeling. Guilt for leaving people behind (stupid I know), and I guess just an awareness that I actually am leaving. And I actually will be gone ten months.

So weird.